“Puttin’ 5 karats in my baby girl’s ear”? NAH…here’s why I’ll pass:

First of all: QUESTION EVERYTHING! *cue Proud fist*

WHY IS EVERYONE TELLING ME THAT IT’S TIME TO PIERCE MY 6 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER’S EARS?

This instagram poll  pretty much proves my f***ing point. & No one can tell me why, even though 85% of voters believe that it’s time.

Many rituals, SPECIFICALLY EAR PIERCING IN INFANCY, occur in my culture and are hardly ever questioned. No one bats a f***ing eye, they just follow suit, go out and do that shit because other folks did it. Lemme tell y’all, IT’S OKAY TO CHALLENGE YOUR GRANNIES!

I thank God for the confidence that my daddy gave me in regards to ASKING QUESTIONS. The man reinforced the fact that I won’t ever know sh*t if I don’t ask, whiled simultaneously disciplining me constantly for being a smart ass, HA!

When it comes to raising my daughter, I feel like I have to be very specific in all of the things that I do and to remain conscious of how my decisions are going to affect her girlhood, then womanhood. I think that in the Black community in general it’s so TABOO to question sh*t. Hell, most things are taboo if your granny didn’t already bring it up.

Dr. Bede Ssensalo, a life changing professor at CSULB, taught me to not take things for face value and to even research the researchers. I had no clue that I would be putting those lessons to use when it finally came to raising small humans. Without saying, raising a little BOY human is much different than raising a little GIRL human in today’s culture and society.

Speaking of grannies…..

(About 3 months ago)
Grandma: Domonique, don’t you think it’s about time you take Kiss to get her ears pierced?
Dom: Why would I do that?
Grandma: Because that’s what you’re supposed to do at this age
Dom: But, why am I supposed to do that at this age?
Grandma: Because she’s gonna look so beautiful!
Dom: I’m not going to get her ears pierced until she can ask me and she’s ready for that.
Grandma: BUT DOMONIQUE! No! You should do that now, she won’t even remember it!
Dom: I think that’s partly the point grandma

(I could tell I was about to get on her nerves with all my free thinking again lmao)

 

Yet still, I explained to my grandma WHY I am going to wait. I’m waiting because, in our culture, ear piercing to me indicates the importance of vanity. I do not want my daughter to get caught up in how beautiful she is, because she ABSOLUTELY IS. I see my daughter in the garden with me, hiking with me, kayaking with me, getting dirty, having fun and living her life focused marveling at things around us. I want Kiss to focus on things that are important, like being a good human, considerate of others, building confidence that won’t bend because it doesn’t come from her appearance (that will fade). I want her to be well rounded and interesting and smart as f*ck.

 

If you’ve ever watched the movie Divergent, notice how the fraction “Abnegation” operates. In the morning they only have a short specific amount of time when they’re able to look in the mirror, where Tris barely even wants to look at herself. This is done so that they don’t grow up being vein. They grow up placing that focus on other important things. Although this practice is a little radical, the underlying ideal makes a hell of a lot of sense to me.

Various other cultures see piercings as a coming of age ritual or rite of passage, WE JUST DON’T HAVE SH*T LIKE THAT. As I marinate in that reality, I want Kiss to be able to look forward to being able to have her ears pierced because she’s earned it. (Same thing with wearing nail polish)

As little Black girls we don’t have much too look forward to in regards to coming of age rituals/ceremonies except for our menstrual cycle which comes early as F**K, might I add!!!

I could be thinking too deeply into it, but that’s my MF kid! Ha! and no one has to like it, they just have to respect it.

My mom and sister often “joke” about taking Kiss to get her ears pierced while I’m at work one day. I don’t laugh. I will literally fight somebody, then take the earrings out and let the holes close. & boom y’all wasted ya time and got karate chopped in the neck.

I AM NOT PLAYING WITH Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and the daddy has no input on this decision because he doesn’t know a thing about becoming a woman, so he can’t say sh*t but respect it too!

FEEL FREE to share your thoughts on piercings or coming of age for little girls in our society today, I’d love to hear from you.

-1luv, Dom

Comments

  1. I understand your point of view completely. However my thoughts on piercing young has to do with quicker healing in a little humans body, not specifically because it’s time.

    I also love not putting the importance of vanity but what’s deeper as more important.. because it is true looks will fade. However, you ..yourself are one of the most beautiful beings inside and out and I’m sure you’ve been told your WHOLE life how beautiful you are.
    As a mother,I do speak into my daughter about her beauty daily, because growing up as a dark skinned / brown skinned little girl can be very difficult when your peers are teasing you for looking the way you do. So to prepare for the harsh reality of the world..I am making sure she knows why her hair curls the way it does.. why her hair is not straight (because she’s a queen in the making a princess for now and her hair as it drys moves up because it’s her special crown ) Why her skin is the color that it is/while explaining culture to her.
    Her ears were pierced when she was 4 months and don’t regret it. In a way we even forget that it is there most times lol. I teach proper edicut and install how she should carry herself as a young girl.. and in the same breath allow her to do what we her heart desires as far as getting dirty etc. But she knows when she’s done playing in the dirt and jumping in muddy puddles lol she knows she needs a bath !
    As far as celebrating coming of age .. coming from Hispanic heritage it is a little different.. we do have Quinceneras. Which I did have one and so did my sister, so when that time comes I will explain to her the importance of it and if she does want to celebrate with a Quincenera I will let her have one. This is typically when a young girl gets her first pair of heels and other special things that represents becoming a woman.

  2. I love this so much.

    I love that you are allowing her to make her own decisions in regards to her life.

    She might not even want her ears pierced. You never know.

    And parents often forget that yes your child came out of you, and yes you want the best for them. But their life is their own, their choices are their own and they have to live this life. And they have to live it for them.

    The only thing your responsible for as a parent is making sure they have the tools to make the best decisions for themselves!

    Love you Domo!!

  3. I get what your saying because getting your ears pierced should NOT define your beauty and you’re absolutely right, don’t let Kourtney get caught up in beauty…but I just think maybe you should get them pierced at this age because it’s painful when you get older. If she gets them pierced now, she won’t even remember the pain but I know in the end you’ll make the best decision for her because you are an AMAZING mom! Love you! Okay bye 😂

  4. I appreciate this post. Thank you for showing a different perspective. My daughter is going on 9 months and we got her ears pierced at 4 months. My reason behind getting them pierced so early is because I had a bad experience at the age of 5 and I didnt want her to feel that pain Lol I literally just got used to the idea of needles and shots. I have not one tattoo because of it. I think the thought of her feeling how I did when I was older, feeling that split second of pain and remembering it, scares me for her.

    Your perspective and thought process on it is inspiring, and you are so right …… we have to start challenging prior ideas and way of doing things! Keep up the amazing posts Dom! 💕👑

  5. I can relate yet I actually got my baby girls ears pierced at 3 months old…well her godmom did…but by 2 years old she decided she didnt like earrings. After my mom bought her a pair of beautiful gold hoops to swap out her studs she took them off and since then she hasn’t had any. I must admit, at 9 years old, she still gets compliments on how beautiful she is, but also she is complimented on her intellegence. I believe that should always be more important than beauty for women.

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